Dear Abigail: When Comparison and Inadequacy Won't Let Go
Dear Abigail,
Thanks for taking time to help . I’m reaching out because there’s been a struggle I’ve carried for years, and I feel like it’s finally time to bring it into the light. Maybe you’ve felt this way too—or maybe you have wisdom to help me see past it. Either way, I’m ready to lay this out.
Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve wrestled with feeling like I’m not enough. Back then, it was about comparing my looks, talents, and even my clothes to other girls. I always felt like I came up short. I told myself it would get better as I got older and "found myself." Well, here I am as a grown woman and a mom, and guess what? Those feelings of inadequacy never really went away. They just shifted. Now, instead of comparing myself to classmates, I compare myself to other Christian mothers.
I see women who seem to have it all together. They’re raising their kids to love the Lord, keeping spotless homes, and showing up at church with their family looking picture-perfect. And then there’s me. Some days, I feel like just keeping everyone fed and alive is a victory. Other days, I’m haunted by the thought that my faith isn’t as strong as theirs—that I don’t pray enough, read the Bible enough, or teach my kids enough about Jesus.
I guess what I’m asking is…how do I stop this cycle? How do I overcome these feelings of inadequacy and comparison? I know in my head that I’m a beloved child of God, but my heart struggles to truly believe it. Is there a practical way to shift my focus?
I’m trying, but I could really use some guidance here.
Sincerely, Falling Short
Dear Falling Short,
I hear your heart, and I want to assure you that you are not alone. Comparison is something so many of us struggle with, but the truth is, no one has it all together—even those who seem to. We all have our own challenges, doubts, and moments of feeling inadequate. The enemy loves to make us think we’re the only ones struggling, but that is simply not true.
The good news is that God never asks us to measure up to someone else—He calls us to be faithful with what He has given us. Even Moses, one of the greatest leaders in the Bible, felt inadequate. He doubted his ability to speak, yet God equipped him for the task at hand. And he wasn’t the only one—Peter, Jeremiah, and so many others felt unworthy, but God used them mightily.
Instead of focusing on what you think you lack, focus on the One who is more than enough. Philippians 4:13 reminds us, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." God has uniquely designed you for the life He’s given you, and He will equip you for every good work.
When you catch yourself slipping into comparison, pause and redirect your thoughts. Instead of asking, "Why can’t I be like her?" ask, "Lord, how can I be faithful where You have placed me?" A practical step is to start your day with gratitude—thank God for the gifts He has given you and the work He is doing in your life. Spend time in His Word, reminding yourself of His promises, and lean into prayer, asking Him to reshape your heart when those feelings arise.
You are not falling short. You are exactly where God wants you, and He is using you even in ways you may not see. Keep your eyes on Jesus, not on others, and trust that He is working in you for His glory.
With love and encouragement,
Abigail
