Trouble Letting Go of Grudges | Abigail Advice

Dear Holding On,

I can definitely relate to this, as I have a little situation of my own that feels like a thorn in my flesh. I also realize that this is an issue we will always face on this side of life, because as humans we hurt one another, sometimes intentionally, and often unintentionally. This is why there are so many Scriptures on forgiveness and how we should respond.

But I don’t want to give you the “usual” advice. We know we forgive others because it is a command from God and because He forgives us. Let’s talk instead about the grudge holder. Whether it’s one offense or many, holding grudges affects us deeply. Our minds replay the hurt, our emotions are weighed down, and bitterness can slowly creep into our hearts.

I’m most certainly grateful that God’s forgiveness is unlimited, even when ours feels like it runs short. When we deal with difficult people, it’s important, as much as we can, to follow peacefully with those who hurt us. Sufferings and hurts can bring out the worst in us if we don’t reflect on our afflictions through the lens of being Christ-bearers. It is definitely easier said than done, but it is something we never give up on (Hebrews 12:14).

At the same time, we must exercise wisdom. If someone continually hurts you and you have done all you can, sometimes you need to distance yourself. Proverbs 22:24–25 gives great guidance on this: avoid being yoked with a hot-tempered or harmful person. But even when distance is necessary, praying for those who hurt us remains essential. Whether near or far, God calls us to lift them up in prayer and leave their hearts in His hands.

Remember, holding onto a grudge keeps your heart tied to the hurt instead of to God’s peace. Forgiveness doesn’t mean the pain didn’t matter or that the offense was okay, it means you are choosing to release it and let God handle justice and healing. Each time you feel the hurt rising again, remind yourself that God’s grace is greater than any offense, and your willingness to forgive, is a reflection of His love working in you.

Here is a prayer to help guide you as you start or form your own prayer:

Prayer:
Lord, I confess that I have held onto anger and grudges, and I know this weighs on my heart and distances me from Your peace. I am thankful for Your mercy, compassion, and patience with me even while I struggle. Please help me to forgive as You forgive, to release the offenses that weigh me down, and to reflect Your love in all my relationships. Give me wisdom, patience, and strength as I walk this path, and remind me that Your grace is sufficient for every hurt I carry. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

With love and prayers,
Abigail