Confessions of a “Good Christian” Who Lost Their First Love
I thought I had lost my joy, but when I looked closer, I realized I had actually lost my first love. This is something that can happen before you know it, and oftentimes, it isn't even a thought in our minds. We are so busy 'doing' that we forget the 'why', or rather, the Who.
The Letters to the Churches
In my personal Bible studies, I am slowly going through Revelation again. You might find some of that reflecting here because I see so much of myself in those letters to the churches.
I see the good and the not so good. Most of the time I find myself focusing on the good parts. I like to think I have it all together by serving, loving, and being faithful.
The Church of Ephesus
One of those churches that impacted me was the letter to the Church of Ephesus. They were hardworking, patient, discerning, and doctrinally sound, yet something essential was missing. I realized in that moment that we can do all the right things and yet be so far from Christ.
- ✦ We can be disconnected between what we are doing outwardly.
- ✦ Our inner being can remain distant.
- ✦ The routines remain, but the affection has weakened.
❧
The Anatomy of Apathy
Like most of us, we don't see it because we are still doing the same things. We go to church every Sunday, we pray every day, we preach the gospel, and we are singing and praising God.
It is a subtle shift where the "doing" remains but the "why" has changed. If you feel stuck in this cycle, I’ve written more about overcoming spiritual apathy and rediscovering your passion.
It is often a slow fade where we are still in the seats and using the right words, but the heart is no longer anchored in that deep affection for Christ.
Labor Never Replaces Love
Service is a good thing, but it never replaces the heart. A good example of this is the account of two sisters, Martha and Mary. I have to tell you, I have had a little Martha in me from time to time. One of her gifts is hospitality. We see her serving in Luke 10:40 and again in John 12:2 which says, "There they made him a supper; and Martha served."
But in one of those moments she was upset. Her focus was so much on serving that she was upset with her sister for not helping. While Mary was at the feet of Jesus listening and learning, Martha was distracted by the work.
This is a great example of how labor never replaces love. While it can serve a purpose, you eventually get exhausted. Your focus is reshifted, you forget the heart behind the labor, and the work becomes the focal point.
The Ephesians were doing so many things right. They were:
- ✔ Working hard
- ✔ Enduring persecution
- ✔ Rejecting false teachers
- ✔ Remaining disciplined
- ✔ Staying doctrinally careful
You would think—I know I did—what more is there? They seem pretty perfect to me. So the issue was not that they had stopped “doing things.” The problem came in verse 4:
"Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love." — Revelation 2:4 (KJV)
This was the moment I saw myself in them.
The Routine of the Days
When our soul goes a little numb, we know it is not intentional. No one wants to lose their first love. I think about when you first get married; you are in this discovery phase and so enamored. But somehow, that gets covered down the line by the "doing" in marriage—the work of it, the jobs, the children, and the routine. If you are not careful, you can forget the heart of it.
Just like a marriage can be overtaken by the routine of the days, our faith can become a performance instead of a relationship. We start carrying it as a duty rather than a connection.
But don't worry. Returning to your first love is not about trying to recreate old emotions or forcing yourself into spiritual excitement. It’s about clearing away the routine to find the person behind the work again.
The Path Back: Returning to Your First Love
In Revelation 2, Jesus gives a very simple path to the church at Ephesus. It is a way home for anyone who feels that their heart has grown a little cold.
1. Remember
“Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen...” — Revelation 2:5 KJV
Think back to when your heart was softer toward Him. Not to idolize the past, but to recognize what has faded. As the Psalmist said, “I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works” (Psalm 143:5 KJV).
- • When prayer felt personal
- • When Scripture moved you deeply
- • When obedience came from affection
- • When worship was not rushed
- • When you desired Him more than information about Him
2. Repent
Repentance is not merely feeling guilty; it is turning back. It may look like removing distractions, laying down pride, or stopping the habit of rushing through time with God. If we find we have drifted into routine, we have this promise: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins” (1 John 1:9 KJV).
3. Do the “First Works”
“...and do the first works...” — Revelation 2:5 KJV
Not bigger works or more public works. The simple things: sitting quietly with Scripture, praying honestly, and obeying quickly when He convicts you. Remember that God desires the heart behind the work: “For I desired mercy, and not sacrifice; and the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings” (Hosea 6:6 KJV).
4. Stop Treating Relationship Like a Task List
One of the easiest traps is turning God into another responsibility. In Matthew 11:28, He says: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Notice He says “come unto Me,” not “work harder for Me.” He wants your heart, not just your checklist.
5. Spend Time Beholding Christ Again
The heart naturally moves toward what it beholds most. Focus on His mercy, His patience, and His faithfulness. Like the Psalmist, make this your aim: “One thing have I desired of the LORD... to behold the beauty of the LORD” (Psalm 27:4 KJV).
6. Do Not Despise Small Beginnings
The goal is not performance; it is renewed fellowship. Maybe it starts with ten honest minutes in prayer. “Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you” (James 4:8 KJV). Be confident that “he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it” (Philippians 1:6 KJV).
Next Step: If you are looking for practical ways to begin those "first works, and aren't sure where to begin your "small start," I've gathered all my practical guides and studies in one place. Explore the Christian Living Resources hub for more help on your journey back.
Leaving the Performance Behind
Returning to your first love requires a trade. To find that heart of affection again, we have to be willing to leave some things behind. We have to set down the spiritual pride that tells us we have it all together and the performance-driven faith that keeps us exhausted.
If your identity has been built on your usefulness to God, or if you have been measuring your spiritual health only by your output, it is time to stop. God is not looking for a resume; He is looking for a relationship.
We are returning to simple faith practices:
- • Prayer without an agenda
- • Reading Scripture slowly, just to hear His voice
- • Quiet presence with God without the noise
- • Worship without the need to perform
The Call to Rest
The call to return to your first love is ultimately a call to rest. You don't have to keep striving to prove your worth. If you find yourself feeling more than just tired—if your soul feels depleted—it might be helpful to look at the difference between spiritual fatigue and burnout.
Come back to the feet of Jesus. The work will still be there, but the heart behind it can be made new today.
Hi, I’m Dana, the creator and heart behind Exhortations for Today. Through years of personal study and my journey as a grandmother, home cook, and quilter, I've discovered that true spiritual rest is found only in the depth of God’s Word. I dedicate my time to curating biblically-grounded reflections to help you move from weariness to a renewed, anchored faith.
Explore my journey and mission here →
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